October 23, 2000

Issue No. 1000 causes random afterthoughts

Josh Renaud

I'm amazed. Somehow our 30-page 1000th issue made it to the printer and onto newsstands last week, and from what I hear, people enjoyed it. I had serious doubts that the monster would even be finished, but we pulled it out.

As you might imagine, the intense effort that went into producing the 1000th issue has left many Current staffers scatterbrained and sleep-deprived, myself included.

For that reason, this column will consist of scatterbrained thoughts and half-developed ideas, although I'm not so sure my column doesn't usually consist of such things.

My keyboard has some of the nastiest funk this side of the Mississippi, yet somehow the keys type so much more nicely than any other keyboard in our office.

Right outside our office there's a bank of soda machines. If what I've heard is true, then there's enough "Yellow 5" in there to keep an entire generation of Americans from procreating. For the love of God, I hope my friends were just pulling my leg.

Why in the world did UMSL pick red and yellow as its colors if everything about the school was going to have a "river" theme?

Speaking of rivers, when are the soccer Rivermen going to score a goal?

The 1000th issue, nice as it was, would have been a heck of a lot easier to make if we had done more than just set goals. We should have mapped out a way to reach those goals over a longer period of time.

A note for all future editors-in-chief: I am now an expert on what to do and what not to do when making a 1000th issue. I'd be happy to offer you my services for the low one-time fee of $300, subject to change based on inflation.

It was great fun to meet all the previous editors-in-chief who attended our little Current alumni reception last Monday.

You know, we've been having a lot of trouble watching TV over here. The reception inside the Student Center is horrible, and the cable still isn't hooked up. I probably should be grateful, since the staff's productivity would drop dramatically if we could watch Rams games on Sunday.

Mom, I know you mean well, but you've got to stop asking me about all these girls. I know you mean well, but I'm not looking for the hook-up, I'm really not.

Special thanks to Dave's Mom, as we call her affectionately, for letting us take advantage of her superior typing skills for the 1000th issue.

On a totally unrelated note, George Schmidt, his pizza guys, and catering staff all deserve medals of honor for the great work they did helping us get our "Free Food" events going last week. Thanks guys!

And thank you, dear reader, for taking the time to open this issue and to make it through this wretched column. I promise I'll sleep more and bring you a better-organized column next week. One final thought: We need a news editor.

This article was reprinted with permission from The Current.

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