The space explorers meet the Borg

On nights when I am home from work, I tell the kids stories before bed. Because they are divided among two rooms, I usually tell two stories.

The first story is for Josie and Joseph, and usually involves me making up something about the two of them as “space explorers,” visiting new planets or meeting aliens or trying to escape from black holes.

The second story is for Jadzia and Ludi, who prefer to have an improv-style story in which they each pick a character for the story (like “a good dragon” and “a bad lamp”) and I have to make up the rest.

Occasionally, though, the older girls will overhear the younger kids’ story and ask me to repeat it for them. Tonight was one such night.

So, I give you a story of an encounter between the space explorers … and the Borg.

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Once upon a time, there were two space explorers named Josie and Joseph.

One day they came across the Borg.

“We are the Borg. You will be assimilated. We will add your technological and biological distinctiveness to our own. Resistance is futile.”

“Oh no!” said Joseph. “We have to escape!”

“You cannot escape. Resistance is futile,” said the Borg.

“Oh no!” said Josie. “They can hear us!”

“How can we defeat the Borg?” asked Joseph. “Maybe we could use a slingshot.”

“No, that won’t work,” said Josie. “Maybe we could dump water on them?”

“No, that won’t work,” said Joseph.

Then the space explorers both exclaimed: “We can make poison waffles!”

And so, they made five million poison waffles, and called the Borg.

“Oh Booooooooooooorg,” they said. “Are you hungry?”

“We are the Borg,” said the Borg.

“Are you huuuuungry?”

“Well, yes. We are hungry.”

“Why don’t you beam over here, then?”

And so, all the Borg beamed over, and Josie and Joseph gave them waffles to eat.

Then the Borg became very sick. They all beamed back to their cube, and so the two space explorers turned on warp speed.

They had escaped!